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When life goals don’t go as planned or don’t even happen at all, it just kind of sucks to be pretty honest with you. You have your dream vision of how it will go dating all the way back to your graduation day.
You’re so excited about going to school. You set your eyes on your goals of life as you imagine them to happen. Life goals for a woman you see yourself graduating by 22, then landing the job of your dreams, finding your knight and shining armor by 23, you see yourself getting married by 24, buy a house with a white picket fence or wood stain fence is fine too by 25, and have 2 kids by 26.
By 30, I’ll be doing this. By 40, I will have already done that and so on. You know how it goes with your life goals as a woman and mom. You put all of this on your vision board and wait for it to all happen, just to hear crickets.
After it’s all said and done, you find yourself having graduated with a lot of student loan debt. You have a job of course, but it’s far from the dream you envisioned. It “feels” more like a nightmare job that doesn’t align with your lifestyle as a mom. You might have the man, you might not have him.
You might have the kids, you might not have them either. Lastly, the house with the picket fence you envisioned, became your parent’s basement somehow. Living in your parent’s basement with the kids was NOWHERE on the list or vision board, but sometimes, life just happens.
Maybe you have your house, but you’ve become the stay at home mom or single working mom that you didn’t quite sign up for either.
So, it was all planned out in your mind, but you feel like you’re behind in life and that it just went south. Kind of like the birds flying out for winter.
You find yourself so frustrated and in such a funk with where you are in life that it starts to just feel overwhelming. You don’t even know where to begin to identify how to get out of this funk.
Life changes. Goals shift. Things happen. So give yourself permission to not be so hard on yourself. Give that beautiful, courageous go-getter of a woman looking back at you in the mirror some grace.
Now, here is what you need to know about getting out of that funk and getting on to a new plan.
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Getting out of a funk or a negative mental space quickly requires that you be proactive and intentional. You have to see your mindset for what it currently is and be willing to do some things different to change it.
Consider some of these ideas to help develop a positive mindset and perspective so you can get back on the horse and ride out into the sunset, for real this time because it is STILL POSSIBLE no matter if you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or any age.
Admit and Accept:
You have to recognize and accept that it’s normal to feel down or stuck. It’s okay to experience these feelings. These feelings are just a reminder to YOU that you actually have goals and dreams and they are worth fighting for.
Then, you have to accept that it is possible to wake up with a grateful spirit, have a heart of love, joy, peace, AND a mind filled with endless opportunities and dreams. Is it easy to do? NO, but it’s possible! You have to make the decision, invest the time, and add a sprinkle of patience with focus on top.
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It happens with a decision and a commitment to yourself. It also happens with a commitment to a bit of personal self care. Avoid resisting or denying your emotions. When you acknowledge your current state of mind and the place that you aspire to be, you can begin to address it effectively and work towards accomplishing that goal.
Identify the “Why”
There are many reasons and things that can happen to cause you to get in a funk. It can range from an unfortunate event in a relationship, loss of a job or career, a feeling of being “stuck” in something you don’t want to be in, or even if you’re sleep deprived and in need of “me time.”
Reflect on the possible reasons behind your funk.
Is it a single event that happened?
Is it a group of disappointments that have happened to land you here?
Is it a general feeling of dissatisfaction?
Asking and reflecting on these questions can help you begin to unpack, uncover, and eventually understand the cause of this funk you found yourself in. Then, you will be able to help develop a focused plan and solution to getting out of it.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind and understanding toward yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend. Remember that everyone goes through challenging times, and it’s okay to feel down. Practice self-care activities that bring you joy and comfort.
Shift Your Focus
Sometimes you can land yourself in a funk simply because of your focus. You can be too focused on accomplishing a goal and borderline obsessed over it. So much to the point that what you originally set out to do becomes draining and no longer fun for you. You’re pushing and pushing to try to force something to happen in a time that it isn’t aligned to happen.
Better yet, you want to control the narrative of the story because you have in your mind “exactly” what it should look like. It’s okay if it looks different and changes. Being able to pivot is one of the best skills you can have. However, also take the time to just chill. Take a step back, away from it all. Remember to just go back “HOME” -Happy Old Moments of Excitement.
Get back to the root of “what” you started with and start doing the things that left you with Happy Old Moments of Excitement. This can help you get realigned with your vision and purpose.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can be in a funk because you’re all over the place like a scattered container of marbles. In these moments, just stop.
You’re not helping yourself or anyone else around you. Intentionally shift your focus. Don’t focus on the negatives and all the things that you feel like are going wrong. Reframe your point of view toward thoughts and emotions that are more focused on the positives and what is going right in your life.
Then, you can start doing more of that. Also, engage in activities that uplift your spirits, such as hobbies, spending time with loved ones, listening to uplifting music, or engaging in physical exercise.
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Gratitude Practice
Some days may be harder than others to do this, but have an attitude of gratitude. When you start focusing on the things you are thankful for you will start to realize that you’ve accomplished more life goals.
Take a few moments each day to reflect on what you appreciate in your life. This practice can shift your mindset and bring positivity into your thoughts.
Set Small Goals
Break down larger tasks or goals into smaller, manageable steps. By accomplishing small tasks, you build momentum and regain a sense of productivity and achievement. Then, always take time to celebrate each small victory and milestone along the way.
Seek Support
Reach out to friends, family, or a trusted support network. Share your feelings and concerns with someone you trust, who can offer a listening ear, advice, or a fresh perspective. Sometimes, talking it out can help you gain clarity and find solutions.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Negative thinking can creep up all the time and make you feel like your worst off, behind, and incapable of doing and accomplishing your goals in life.
Taking a break from social media can be helpful as well as avoiding the comparison game. Practice challenging negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and encouraging words. Words that uplift you and empower you.
Here are a few favorites:
You’ve Got This
You Grow Girl
There Is No Force Greater Than a Woman Determined to Rise
Rise Above the Storm and You Will Find the Sunshine
She Believes I Can. She Said I Will. And So, She Did.
Replace critical or limiting thoughts and beliefs that do not push you forward with statements that promote self-confidence and optimism.
Engage in Positive Input
Surround yourself with positive and inspirational content. Create a “zen den” space that is exclusively a space for you to decompress, relax, unwind, and fill yourself with positive energy.
Listen to uplifting music (songs that make you happy) and podcasts or read motivational and inspiring blogs and books. Exposing yourself to positivity and a space of “zen” or calm can help shift your mindset and inspire new ideas.
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Take Action
At the end of it all, you will most importantly have to take action. Take proactive steps toward your goals. Consider your lifestyle and your schedule, but don’t use it as a limiting crutch to prevent you from taking any action.
Consider small changes that you can make. Small goals that you can work toward to begin to move the needle in the right direction. Keep in mind consistency, rather than speed.
Make small changes that can improve your situation. These small changes will build the stepping stones for the big changes that will get you out of that funk and back in the game.
Life changes. Goals shift. Things happen. So give yourself permission to not be so hard on yourself. Give that beautiful, courageous go-getter of a woman looking back at you in the mirror some grace and encouragement to keep going and don’t give up. Just like in the race of the tortoise and the hare; faster doesn’t always win or remain in first place. It’s the slow, progressive, strategic actions that get you there.
One step at a time. Taking action will give you a sense of control and progress to pull you out of a funk.
Remember, getting out of a funk is a process that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, stay committed to self-improvement, embrace the journey of personal growth and always remember to remind yourself, You’ve Got This!